By Kelsie Kilawna, Local Journalism Initiative Reporter, The Discourse

It鈥檚 a sunny morning as cars whiz by at the Okanagan Indian Band (OKIB) community just outside of Vernon.

Shane Miller and Danielle Saddlemen are busy setting up their food truck to open later in the day. Once they鈥檙e set, we sit down at a picnic table and instantly laughter and jokes start to fly across the table.

Their story is a love story. The two met and started dating in 1999.

鈥淲e had this natural attraction to each other鈥�he was funny and made me laugh all the time even before we got together,鈥� says Saddleman.

But their journey together hasn鈥檛 always been easy, it took a lot of healing to get to where they are today.

Addictions is something that has plagued Indigenous communities for generations 鈥� often used as a coping mechanism in the face of colonization, residential school, the 60鈥檚 Scoop and continued systemic discrimination.

In light of this, many Indigenous Peoples have also made powerful and consistent efforts to revive, reclaim, and create a resurgence of the old ways to survive.

Saddleman and Miller are part of that revival, choosing to reclaim culture and language as a means to fight back against systems of oppression that have impacted them directly.

It鈥檚 been just over seven years since the couple decided to become sober and commit to making for a brighter future for their family. Miller says he hopes to see more people make the same choice.

鈥淚 want to see more of the cycles being broken, seeing our families staying together, building a foundation that all our children need to grow and succeed,鈥� he says.

From different worlds

Saddleman grew up much differently from Miller. She was raised by many strong parental figures in the (OKIB) community. That helped to shape her into who she is today, she says, and in turn has supported her in sharing that same connection with Miller.

鈥淚 kind of have to show him what family is to me and this is how family was for me growing up,鈥� says Saddleman.

Miller is a 60鈥檚 Scoop survivor. He was taken from his home when he was an infant and placed into government care. He describes being bounced around from home to home and living his life in survival mode.

鈥淲hen you grow up in survival mode, anything outside that survival mode you just don鈥檛 care about, and that means you鈥檙e hurting people, hurting your loved ones, families鈥� he says.

鈥�(Learning these lessons) took me trial and error and I think back about it and it鈥檚 all because of her.鈥�

鈥楾here was so much I didn鈥檛 know鈥�

Miller credits Saddleman for the healing he has experienced as a result of the infectious love she has shared with him.

鈥淚鈥檝e never known love, I鈥檝e never known family,鈥� Miller shares.

Growing up in an unstable environment, he says he was frequently left having to fight for his basic needs.

鈥淚 used to have to sneak upstairs, we lived in a basement suite, and I had to always sneak upstairs and steal food. That鈥檚 all I鈥檝e ever known,鈥� he says.

During his youth Miller lived on the streets and describes stealing food to survive. After aging out of the foster care system, Miller became a young parent at 20 years old.

Miller shares that it was his upbringing that left him unequipped to raise his oldest daughter and that he caught himself continuing a cycle he never wanted for his family.

鈥淚 go around life and don鈥檛 know what a family is, and trying to have kids at a young age and all you know how to do is run. I did it to my first kid.鈥�

When Miller met Saddleman, he says that her love of family was infectious and it is one of the many reasons he became the man he is today. Saddleman says that when she met Miller, it was love at first sight and his sense of humour drew her in.

鈥淭hat鈥檚 what attracted me to him and I always thought he was handsome, and I still have those feelings I first did from when we first got together to today,鈥� says Saddleman.

For Miller, identifying that love was more difficult.

鈥淗ow can I say I ever loved her in the beginning if I was disrespecting her for so many years?鈥� he says.

鈥淚 didn鈥檛 understand it. It took me a long time to understand what love was, and it took me so long to even know what she was giving me.鈥�

In their early years together, Saddleman and Miller spent most weekends drinking and as they drank together Miller shares they fought often. He says that he was ignorant and disrespectful towards Saddleman and that it was her love and patience that brought him to this place of self-discovery today.

鈥淚t took stupidity and ignorance on my part, and took hurt on her part,鈥� he says. 鈥淚鈥檓 not proud of that.鈥�

The family grows

After years of promising one another they didn鈥檛 want children, in 2004, the couple fell pregnant with their first daughter together. It was a blessing they didn鈥檛 expect.

鈥淚 love her so much, we loved her, that鈥檚 all she wanted was me or Shane,鈥� Saddleman says.

With their new baby, things shifted for the couple and the expectations of their relationship began to change. After a few years of continuing to drink alcohol together while parenting, Saddleman decided it was time to change things.

鈥淚 said we鈥檙e done, you can go live with your mom and he did,鈥� she says.

鈥淭he more he drank it would annoy me more, and I grew to hate the person Shane was then. I was just like we can鈥檛 show our kids that.鈥�

For Miller, it was this ultimatum that led him to make the choice to be sober.

鈥淚 had to make a choice, and she said go ahead if you want to do drugs and party then like go ahead just not around the kids or me no more,鈥� he says.

After Miller made the choice to be sober, he said that it was time for Saddleman to make the same choice.

鈥淲e worked on it and did a couple of counselling sessions together,鈥� Saddleman says. 鈥淔or me I was like well I鈥檓 not going to quit drinking then鈥� he threw the ball back in my court and said, `well, nope, if that鈥檚 the life you鈥檙e going to choose then we鈥檙e not going to work.鈥濃��

A journey of self-discovery

When the couple decided to take the road to sobriety, that鈥檚 when they say life really began.

鈥淲hen you look at it that鈥檚 half the reason Indigenous relationships fail if you take out the alcohol factor and the majority of those relationships would鈥檝e worked,鈥� says Miller.

鈥淪elfishness is a big part too, she taught me not to be selfish because that鈥檚 what you have to be when you鈥檙e in survival to live.鈥�

It was the love for the culture and language that was instilled in Saddleman that helped heal their family.

鈥淚 always had a spark in me that really connected to language and culture and it wasn鈥檛 until after I sobered up and went to school and started to learn all these things from a Sqilxw loosely translated as person Indigenous to the land perspective,鈥� she says.

鈥淥nce our people connect back to the land and culture they find pieces of themselves and it heals them and then they can have healthy relationships. And I feel like I鈥檝e had a taste of that and I know what culture has done for me and for Shane.鈥�

For Miller, culture was not something he was brought up with and credits his partner for all she has done for not only him by introducing the culture but also what she鈥檚 done for the community.

鈥淵ou鈥檙e Saddleman the one putting it all together and for me, that means a lot. It helps me in my healing now that piece of the pie that was missing is whole. Now that addictions piece that was pulled out has been put back in. Breaking that cycle filled that hole,鈥� he says.

鈥淭he circle is now complete again and culture was that last piece.鈥�

Advice for others

Miller and Saddleman have now been together for 20 years. After having their daughter, they also welcomed a second child in 2006. Their advice to other families? It鈥檚 important to confront your past so that it doesn鈥檛 impact your ability to heal.

鈥淏efore it was really hard because alcohol blocked all of that and turned it into anger, now when I talk like this I get emotional and it鈥檚 a release, it鈥檚 a part of that healing,鈥� Miller says.

鈥淚f you don鈥檛 you carry it around, and it eats you, and if you don鈥檛 deal with that you turn to things that numb that pain.鈥�

Saddleman says that it鈥檚 always good to remember to laugh together.

鈥淗umour, it鈥檚 one of those things that keeps our relationship alive. He is just so funny and I kind of bounce off of it, we鈥檙e always teasing each other,鈥� she says.

As the two continue to move forward in their relationship, they are now running three businesses: a food truck, catering company and co-owning a cannabis dispensary.

In their life, community and culture are the priorities.

鈥淐oming together as a community and reviving culture and get that sense of Kn鈥橲qlixw, of what is it? What is a good relationship? With our ties to the land, our ties to the culture, that鈥檚 what I really want,鈥� says Saddleman.

Miller shares the same sentiment, that it鈥檚 time to break the cycles that have taken so many Indigenous Peoples from their paths.

鈥淚f you look at us as a whole and you look at the mental illnesses that we have, it鈥檚 like our soul is gone, the spirit doesn鈥檛 know what to do with our minds. Our minds have been mined, and now our minds have been affected by it,鈥� he says.

鈥淲e鈥檙e still fighting to keep our culture, we sing our songs, we put our energy into the air.鈥�

Saddleman says it鈥檚 important for them and others in their community to return to the land to learn what it means to be Sqilxw.

鈥淚t鈥檚 all about having a positive wellbeing, spirit and soul and to be able to experience that together,鈥� says Miller.

Saddleman adds that it鈥檚 important to also remember to not be ashamed by the colonial circumstances that Indigenous Peoples often find themselves dealing with.

鈥淚 think what鈥檚 helped us is that we had to understand our past and move forward. It was colonization and residential school and all of the wrongs done to our people鈥�it鈥檚 not our parents or grandparents鈥� fault to what happened.鈥�

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