鈥淗i, I鈥檓 Chandler. I make jokes when I鈥檓 uncomfortable.鈥�
鈥淯ntil I was 25, I thought that the only response to 鈥業 love you鈥� was 鈥極h, crap!鈥欌��
Whether you鈥檙e a Gen-Xer who grew up with the stars of NBC鈥檚 Emmy-winning series 鈥淔riends鈥� after its 1994 debut or a Zoomer who discovered the show in the streaming era, you can probably guess at the source of these dark witticisms: Could it BE anyone other than Chandler Bing?
What you鈥檒l find out after reading actor Matthew Perry鈥檚 harrowing memoir, 鈥淔riends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing,鈥� is that such lines are also a case of art imitating life.
鈥淚 was Chandler,鈥� Perry writes in his book, out Nov. 1, explaining that both he and his most famous character have used humor to compensate for their crippling fears, relationship anxieties and self-sabotaging behavior.
Where actor and character diverge is that Chandler finds happiness, marrying Monica Geller (Courteney Cox) and having twins; Perry, by contrast, only recently emerged from decades of intractable addiction, which culminated three years ago in a health crisis he was very lucky to survive.
Perry, 53, writes that he deeply regrets how his drug and alcohol abuse have cost him relationships. Now 18 months sober, he writes, he suffers from auditory hallucinations and will probably have to take Suboxone to treat opioid dependence for the rest of his life. This leaves him, he adds, in a consistent state of anhedonia: a reduced ability to feel pleasure.
With lines like 鈥渕y mind is out to kill me, and I know it,鈥� Perry opens a window into the mind of an addict, a place in which the struggle to get sober is a civil war and many battles are lost to relapse.
It鈥檚 cost him in every way. He writes that he spent more than $7 million trying to get sober. (Perry raised the estimate to $9 million in a recent interview.) His efforts included 15 stints in rehabilitation facilities and one in a mental institution; hypnosis sessions; 6,000 visits to AA and therapy twice a week for 30 years. While shooting an unused bit for Adam McKay鈥檚 2021 film 鈥淒on鈥檛 Look Up,鈥� he flew to a Swiss rehab and back on a private jet 鈥� $175,000 a pop.
Here鈥檚 what you鈥檒l learn from his candid new memoir.
The one that scared him mostly straight
Perry details several near-death experiences. On one occasion, his heart stopped beating for five minutes. Later, he was popping pills laced with fentanyl (and paying $3,000 for them several times a week).
鈥淚t is very odd to live in a world where if you died, it would shock people but surprise no one,鈥� he writes.
But a 2019 incident was his closest call, he writes. He fell into a coma for 14 days after his colon burst. Doctors told his family members he had a 2% chance of survival. 鈥業 was so full of s鈥� it almost killed me,鈥� he writes. It turned out to be a life-saving wake-up call. Today, the thought of needing a colostomy bag for life keeps him from using, coupled with the fact that alcohol and opiates 鈥渟imply don鈥檛 work for me anymore鈥�: Even on 1,800 milligrams of opiates a day, he could no longer get high.
The ones who got away
Perry writes that at age 19 he fell in love with Valerie Bertinelli on the set of 鈥淪ydney.鈥� According to him, they shared 鈥渁n elaborate makeout session鈥� while Bertinelli鈥檚 husband, rock star Eddie Van Halen, was passed out a few feet away. He also writes that he made out with Gwyneth Paltrow inside a closet. Neither of these dalliances went very far.
One relationship still haunts him to this day. He was together with Rachel Dunn, a woman he met upon crashing her 23rd birthday party, for six years and almost asked her to marry him, but chickened out. 鈥淎ll my fears reared up like a snake,鈥� he writes. 鈥淚 often think if I鈥檇 asked, now we鈥檇 have two kids and a house. Instead, I鈥檓 some schmuck who鈥檚 alone in his house at fifty-three.鈥�
He also shares an account of a lost love that 鈥渟till hurts鈥� 鈥� someone he met on a film set in 1999. He fell hard but she ultimately rejected him, making it clear that 鈥渕y drinking was a problem.鈥� Perry does not name the woman, though he did star alongside Neve Campbell in 1999鈥檚 鈥淭hree to Tango.鈥�
More than 20 years later, Perry bought a ring and proposed to a woman while at a Switzerland rehab. But he was high on hydrocodone and later forgot the whole thing. It was months after his coma 鈥� still undergoing surgeries and still struggling to get clean. He was 鈥渄esperate鈥� and 鈥渄idn鈥檛 want to be this injured and alone鈥� during the peak of the COVID pandemic. Perry doesn鈥檛 name her, but last year People reported on a broken engagement with literary manager Molly Hurwitz.
The one with Julia Roberts
When Julia Roberts only agreed to appear on 鈥淔riends鈥� if she could be in Chandler鈥檚 storyline, showrunner Marta Kauffman encouraged Perry to send the actress flowers. That kicked off a romance between the two, according to Perry 鈥� beginning with the (so very 1990s) exchange of flirty messages over fax machines. They were already a couple by the time they began filming.
But like the vast majority of Perry鈥檚 relationships, it ended when he felt he was letting his guard down, reigniting a lifelong fear of abandonment. Perry traces these issues in part to his father leaving the family when Matthew was a baby and his mother was 21.
鈥淚f I drop my game, my Chandler, and show you who I really am,鈥� he writes, 鈥測ou might notice me, but worse, you might notice me and leave me.鈥�
The one with Jennifer Aniston
Years before they were both cast in 鈥淔riends,鈥� Perry asked Jennifer Aniston out. She declined, but he would continue to 鈥渃rush badly鈥� for her.
The one with the casting gossip
Perry writes that one of his best friends, Hank Azaria of 鈥淭he Simpsons鈥� fame, auditioned to play Joey twice. When Matt LeBlanc scored the part, Perry was initially 鈥渁 little jealous鈥� of his 鈥渓eading-man looks.鈥�
Another close friend, Craig Bierko, a former co-star on 鈥淪ydney,鈥� was first offered the part of Chandler, according to Perry, but turned it down. After Perry was cast and the show became an immediate hit, he says he and Bierko didn鈥檛 speak for two years.
Landing the part of Chandler saved Perry鈥檚 life, he writes. Otherwise, it wouldn鈥檛 have been 鈥渙ut of the realms of possibility鈥� for him to have 鈥渆nded up on the streets of Downtown L.A. shooting heroin.鈥� He writes that heroin was a line he was terrified to cross. 鈥淚t is because of that fear that I am still alive today.鈥�
The one with the backstage drama
Perry points out that you can tell how and what he was using throughout the various 鈥淔riends鈥� seasons. First, he dropped 10 pounds of 鈥渁lcohol fat鈥� between the pilot and the first episode. His weight fluctuated between 128 and 225 pounds while making the show. If he was carrying weight, it was alcohol abuse. If he was thin, it was pills. If he had a goatee it was 鈥渓ots of pills.鈥� By the end of Season 3, he spent most of his time trying to obtain Vicodin 鈥� 55 pills a day. Sometimes he鈥檇 go to open houses just to steal some from medicine cabinets.
Although he asserts he was never high while filming 鈥淔riends,鈥� he鈥檇 often be sick or hungover. Once, Perry passed out on the Central Perk couch and LeBlanc had to nudge him awake to say his line. Later, Aniston called him out for drinking again, telling him, 鈥淲e can smell it.鈥� Season 9 was the only year he was 鈥渃ompletely sober.鈥�
The one where things got worse
Even before 鈥淔riends鈥� wrapped in 2004, addiction was already exacting a toll on Perry鈥檚 post-TV career. Perry writes that around March 2001, while filming 鈥淪erving Sara鈥� (2002), he was on methadone, Xanax and cocaine and drinking a full quart of vodka a day. He showed up to film a scene, only to realize it had been shot a few days earlier. He shut down the film鈥檚 production (and postponed his 鈥淔riends鈥� scenes) so he could go to a Marina del Rey detox center. He was living in a rehab facility in Malibu when Chandler and Monica tied the knot. As for 鈥淪erving Sara,鈥� he says producers later billed him $650,000 for the breach and dragged him into postproduction to dub over his slurred lines.
Again in rehab around November 2020, his heart stopped after doctors administered propofol that interacted with the hydrocodone in his system. Paramedics saved his life with CPR but broke eight ribs in the process, ultimately costing him scenes with Meryl Streep in 鈥淒on鈥檛 Look Up.鈥� (Just before the incident he was able to shoot a scene with Jonah Hill, but his scenes were cut from the finished film.)
In recent years, Perry鈥檚 front teeth fell out while he was biting into a piece of toast. He removed and replaced all his pearly whites.
The one with the fisticuffs
Perry beat up Justin Trudeau when they were kids 鈥� well before the latter became Canada鈥檚 prime minister. Perry鈥檚 Canadian mother was the press secretary for Justin鈥檚 father, Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau, and little Matthew resented the time she spent at work.
Years later, he was set up on a date with Cameron Diaz after she stopped seeing Justin Timberlake. Diaz got immediately stoned and accidentally punched Perry in the face, he writes.
Also, he accidentally hit his own idol, Chevy Chase, in the balls.
The one with hope
Perry has been 鈥渕ostly sober鈥� since 2001, 鈥渟ave for about sixty or seventy little mishaps.鈥� He would give up his fame and wealth in a heartbeat to 鈥渘ot have a brain that wants [him] dead.鈥� But he鈥檚 slowly 鈥渁cquiring a taste for reality鈥� and is determined to figure out his purpose.
鈥淭here is a reason I鈥檓 still here. And figuring out why is the task that has been put in front of me.鈥�
鈥擟hristina Veta, Los Angeles Times
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