Sam Tutanuak has learned a lot during his lifetime and, he said, one of the hardest lessons he's ever had to learn was how to be a good parent.

Now 58, Tutanuak has lived in the Kivalliq communities of Rankin Inlet and Baker Lake for more than 40 of his 58 years.

One of the most-important events in his life was when he sat down with his now adult children 鈥� Karen 36, James 35, and Samantha 33 鈥� while in his mid-to-late 20s, and had a heart-to-heart conversation with them about his addiction to alcohol and how it affected them.

He said he just decided one day to find out what it was like for them to live with his addiction and see him using drugs and alcohol. He needed to know how they truly felt about it.

鈥淚 wasn't really surprised by their answers, but it was a huge wake-up call for me,鈥� said Tutanuak. 鈥淭hey finally had a safe space to share how they felt and they felt safe to say whatever was on their minds.

鈥淚 was a closet drinker and user, which is how I hid everything from most people, but my kids saw it every day. So, this one particular day, Bernie (wife Bernadette) was away on work travel and it was just us four at home.

鈥淭hat day, I really saw how sad and disappointed of a look they had on their faces and I decided this was the right time to sit down with them and allow them to speak.

鈥淵ou know, they saw me drinking. They smelled the dope. I had always just taken it for granted that it was OK for me to do those things and not think how they felt about it.鈥�

Tutanuak said things really changed after that day.

He said it opened the door for his three children to talk more openly with him and a light bulb went off in his brain that told him it was time to look for help.

鈥淚 was blessed to have had that experience with my kids. Looking back at it all now, one thing I would change is having that talk a lot sooner.

鈥淚 don't think we ever talked about it again. Every now and then I'll say in conversation with other people that I've been in a lot of fights, but one of the most hard-hitting experiences I've ever had was what my kids said to me that day.

鈥淲hen your only son says, 'I freaking hate you, Dad,' it really makes you take stock of everything.鈥�

Tutanuak said a few years later he relapsed and his wife and three children watched as he came staggering through the door.

He said one of his kids asked him why he was like that all the time and he blurted out the answer about his childhood trauma.

鈥淎fter hearing what I said they were all like, 'Oh... OK.'

鈥淲hen Bernie came back into town and I told her what the kids and I had talked about 鈥� I wasn't sure if I had done the right thing 鈥� she really supported me.

鈥淪he was more than happy that we were able to sit down and have a conversation about it.

鈥淪he was really happy about the kids being able to share all their feelings with me that they'd held inside all this time. It worked out both ways, in that we all had a better understanding of what we had been sweeping under the rug all this time.鈥�

Tutanuak said the major change he's felt since that time is now knowing he can share feelings, thoughts and emotions with his kids.

He said these are trying times for parenting and it can be a real challenge sometimes to do what you think is right and ignore outside influences.

鈥淭oday, cellphones have become such a normal and accepted way of communicating with little to no person-to-person communication in the physical sense.

鈥淚t's almost all by texting now and that's become a barrier in many roles today.

鈥淚've done a pretty good job parenting. When we were raising the kids, Bernie was the loving, caring figure and I was made the disciplinarian.

鈥淭hese may be the most trying times ever to be a parent and I truly feel that Bernie and I did a good job in our roles.鈥�